


we're really just antiques

by fated_addiction



Category: EXO (Band), K-pop, Korean Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction, SM Entertainment | SMTown, f(x)
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6462652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fated_addiction/pseuds/fated_addiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>She is already up by the time the text messages start.</i>
</p><p>Soojung deals with feelings. And having a lot of them. No one really prepares you for when the Internet breaks your relationship as news.</p>
            </blockquote>





	we're really just antiques

**Author's Note:**

> I HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT THESE TWO. That being said, I've also had a couple cocktails and couldn't be bothered with holding them back.
> 
> KAISTAL is real, y'all. And if I can't have the 3,000 other K-pop ships that I love, I am MORE than okay with this one.

-

 

She is already up by the time the text messages start. Which means she only has a few more hours until the company phone calls start too. It makes her restless.

Actually, she tells herself, she's always restless. It makes her want coffee. And a vacation. But that's a long time coming anyway, if she's honest about it.

Then Jongin calls. On the dot. The clock next to her blinks 3:46 am and seems a little merciless.

"Victoria noona just threatened my life," he says, tone amused, maybe even worried. "And I believe her," he says too. "She's much scarier than your sister."

"I'm still in bed," she replies, legs stretching out underneath her duvet. She sneaks a glance at her window. The street lamp outside is starting to bleed into the room. "And she's definitely scarier that Sooyeon, who is less likely to get away with murdering you though."

He laughs.

There's a pause and she listens. Sometimes she likes to imagine him alone in his room, stretched out like she is, staring at the same spot in the ceiling like she does. Maybe it's a little too romantic of her.

"Are you okay?" he asks finally because, if anything, he was going to ask first, kind of like how he started this first, how he started their friendship first, and everything else in between that.

Soojung pinches her nose. Her eyes flutter close. "I think so," she murmurs, only half-sentient. For a brief moment she starts to drift. She thinks to herself: am I _really_ awake right now. Then he coughs.

Jongin clears his throat too. "You don't have to lie to me." There's that shaky quality to his voice, she thinks. The one that he gets when he thinks she's lying. Or lying to protect him too. Which, of course, she's done both.

"I'm not," she murmurs.

She shifts onto her belly, curling her legs deeper into her duvet. A hand slides underneath her pillow.

"I'm the pragmatic one," she teases. Her eyes open slightly. The street lamp seems to dim. "In a little while, my eonnis are going to call. Then Sooyeon. Then probably my parents. Then, of course, there's going to be a gazillion company calls from people that we've never even heard of or, well, knew work for our company. It's going to be annoying."

Jongin snorts. "Probably."

There's no real adequate response to this. She sighs a little. "It doesn't mean I regret anything," she murmurs. Then shyly, her eyes close as she shrugs into her pillow. "I've never really learned how to regret you."

He sighs. It's a slow, steady sound. Warm even. She lets it permeate through the line, into her ear as everything sort of becomes hazy again. Her head starts to swim. There's no dial tone. Maybe a little music on his end.

She falls asleep knowing he's there.

 

 

 

 

 

Ten years is like a dynasty in their industry. There's no funny anecdote to how they became friends. It's not even Taemin's fault. They just sort of happened, one day, in a random practice room where he handed her water and was like, "you should eat more..." and the only thing she could really think of doing is kick him in the shins.

Through the week, there are a thousand articles, speculation, and a creepy play by play of their first real trip together which makes her sad, angry, and irritated again.

"You're a human being," Amber tells her, gently patting her head on their way into the airport. "It's invasive and ridiculous that... going to McDonald's also means that you're hoarding secret kids or something."

Soojung shakes it off until the meetings at the company, all separate, which makes it weirder; they're filled with the same damn questions. How did you meet? Are you serious? Do we need to increase security with your management team? Will this affect any sort of scheduling plans? All which makes her want to scream, but she takes, each and every question, answer, and reply, all methodically, all because she doesn't know how else to handle it.

Long story short: they are so lucky she didn't burn the place down because she was close.

At the end of the week though, she's in the company long enough to go find him, badgering Junmyeon oppa until he tells her that he's in their practice room, alone, with a ridiculous wink and a thumbs up. She takes the stairs to see him, to avoid another round of congratulatory remarks, and to just generally see him. Which is something that she needs. It's also kind of terrifying.

Opening the door to the practice room, she's greeted by loud, deafening music, and then Jongin carefully moving around the large room, movements sharp and wise, cognizant of his healing injury. She moves to sit on the floor, her legs curling underneath her as she watches him and waits until he sees her. She selfishly takes the moment too; it's nice that he doesn't see him, even as she drinks him in, picks apart and worries when he lands a move too soft, feels a little guilty because _you know how he gets_ is still kind of clear in her head.

Then he stops. And smiles at her in the mirror.

Soojung's heart flutters into her throat. "Hi," she mouths, and he saunters over to the laptop, turning the music down. She draws her legs up, leaning into her knees as he moves back over to her. "I had some time," she says.

"They yelled at you longer," he half-teases. "I told you so."

She shrugs. "I told _you_ so."

Jongin drops to sit next to her, stretching his legs out and underneath hers. His hand drops over her knees and he drags her to him.

"You look tired," he murmurs, and she flushes, immediately even, pushing her hair behind her ear. His fingers smooth over her lip. "Sorry," he says.

She scowls, rolling her eyes. "Stop." She shakes her head. "It's not your fault." She doesn't tell him that they're worried about the fan reaction, given how poorly Taeyeon eonni's relationship was received and, of course, the fact that her sister is returning to broadcasting. "And it's nothing that I can't handle," she murmurs, shrugging. She's honest. "I've been called way worse." She ducks shyly. "I'm more worried about you."

"Nerd." He sighs, reaching for her hand. He leans in, his mouth brushing over her knuckles. "I can handle myself," he mimics. "And everything else that comes with it - someone's just got to worry about you."

Soojung snorts. "We're really gross, you know."

Jongin laughs.

They sit quietly. Soojung's eyes close a little and she drops her head to her knees. She feels Jongin's fingers in her hair, drifting to her scalp, then rubbing lightly as they sort of exhale together. This is the worst part, she tells herself. Everyone knows and now it's about navigating through it. Which is the hard part too. She's spent the better part of the day reminding herself about her personal rules: work is work, of course, and this was going to happen sooner or later.

The problem is that it's Jongin and because it's Jongin, her emotions are all over the place and, of course, every recourse and action she always promised herself she was going to take is gone, shaken, and lost to just the fact that she wants to be selfish, for once, and be unapologetic about someone who is really important to her.

"You're not regretting it," he says lightly, but the question, if anything, is right there, underneath his words and the sharp, small sigh that happens after her.

"No." Her mouth twitches. "I'm not." She makes a cheesy joke. "I regret that hotel," she murmurs, reaching forward and brushing his hair from his face. Her fingers are wet with sweat and she leans a little closer. "But I don't regret it," she finishes. "Not you."

Jongin laughs, like actually laughs, then leans in and brushes his mouth against her. She makes a sound, not quite surprised, and then leans herself into the kiss, biting his lip softly, shyly because it still feels ridiculously new.

"We'll be okay," he murmurs, pressing a kiss to the underside of her jaw. He leans his forehead against hers. 

Soojung sighs. "I know."

It's just butterflies, right there, in the pit of her stomach. They seem to spread all over her body. It's a reality; it's a strange, sort of way to come to terms with what is happening right now. So she kisses him again, then and there, swallowing his laugh as his fingers curl in her hair, sticky with sweat and perfume, so entirely imperfect that it's pretty much terrifying how much she craves this.

She won't tell him. Jongin's always felt a little like love.

(Confession: that's the terrifying part.)

 

 

 

 

 

The plan is: they'll keep the true story to themselves.

It seems like the most natural thing to do. You learn early on in their industry. You give a little to take a little back. She has her members and career to think of. He has the same. So maybe they're a little strategic. If she thinks about this way, she feels a little less angry about it.

But Jessica, naturally, is the first person to know. (True.) She even smiles mysteriously when she's asked, at the airport, about how she feels about KRYSTAL'S FIRST BOYFRIEND!!! which wouldn't be so embarrassing if the question actually was something entirely different. She'll spent the rest of their phone call that day dodging Jessica's teasing, which is everything from _oh my god my BABY_ to stupid, sisterly invasive questions about giving Jongin the _talk_ and should she enlist other people when that happens.

If anything the true story is a little more surreal and something that she's still not entirely sure happened.

It's Jongin, you know.

 

 

 

 

 

But first, a real first:

"Jongin is here."

Amber drops down next to her. In front of them, Victoria is coaching Sunyoung through some of their concert choreography as she takes a water break.

"He brought Junmyeon," she informs all of them, grinning widely. "But Jongin wants to talk to the three of us," she says, pointing to both Victoria and Sunyoung. The older girls stop and apparently welcome the break. Soojung gets the feeling she should run and hide. Stat.

"Weird," she mutters, and doesn't know what to say as Amber gets up again, bounding off to grab the two boys, dragging into their practice room.

She can't remember the last time she's been in the same room with Jongin. They text a lot. At some point, the two of them sort of begrudgingly admit to really like say stupid, boring things like "I burned toast again..." or "You should order me french fries!" which, if anything, is the basic foundation for the majority of their relationship. 

"Maybe they're trying to pitch Soojungie another We Got Married season," Amber says dryly.

Victoria snorts and Sunyoung shakes her head. "Can't," she says seriously. The corners of her mouth threatening to bursts. "It's _my_ turn," she teases. "And I might have to hide all of your bodies too."

"Don't look at me," Victoria agrees. She blushes a little. "I've done my round. Once is enough."

A mini-argument breaks out between Sunyoung and Amber, leaving Soojung to watch on, resignedly and the boys to watch, completely mystified at what they're watching. Soojung turns her gaze to Jongin. He stands off to the side, sort of nervously, sort of withdrawn, completely unlike him - or she's probably losing it. She remains on the floor, rubbing her legs because they're going to start dancing against soon and she really doesn't have time to be lazy.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks, voice low. He turns his gaze to her, determined. She's a little taken at back, confused even. "Seriously -"

"He's going to ask you out," Junmyeon supplies and then, suddenly, the entire room falls silent. Soojung is wide-eyed and sort of lost, behind her, her eonnis are looking on like sharks, carefully processing what's happening between them right now.

"Hyung," Jongin hisses quietly. " _Seriously_."

Junmyeon shrugs. "Too slow," he says.

Jongin groans, throws his hands up and half-turns, rubbing his eyes in some weird kind of version of defeat. She's never seen him like this.

"Wait," Amber voices for her. "What?"

"I think," Sunyoung's voice is hushed. "Soojungie was just asked out on a date. And we were asked permission."

Victoria's eyes are glittering dangerously. She even smiles, half-amused. "We definitely were."

" _Oh my god_ ," Soojung mutters. She's completely unsure with what to do with her hands, whether or not she wants to hit Jongin for not asking her first, since it's totally like him to ask permission to the people in her life that are most important first as it is.

"Have you talked to Sooyeon eonni?" Amber asks, amused. She drops down to sit next to Soojung, grinning in delight. "What did she say? Is she going to pay someone to maim you?"

"No," Jongin says, rubbing the back of his head. "It was more like... where I was going to take Soojung to dinner, if I was going to take her, and bowling is a terrible date -"

" _Oh my god_." Soojung wants to die.

Sunyoung comes to sit down on the other side of her. She drops an arm around her shoulders, tucking her against her side. Her smile is softer.

"This is adorable," she gushes. Her amusement is clear. Sunyoung trains her gaze on Junmyeon. "And you're moral support, I'm guessing."

"The worst," Jongin mutters.

Junmyeon laughs. "I am." He punches Jongin in the arm. "He was little worried when Soojungie was linked to Top sunbaenim again."

Soojung glares. "You couldn't have just asked me?"

Jongin shrinks, flushed. Maybe later she'll find this sweet, a little less embarrassing (she totally will), but right now, she wants to crawl into the closet, like she used to do when she was trainee, back when he would drag her out and she would merely know his hand as warm and firm, the way his palm would press into hers and it would just be her own weird version of _safe_ , something she was always surprised that she needed.

But then he turns his gaze back onto her, and she's startled, maybe a little confused at how strong it is, how the creases of his mouth sharpen and firm, how she's more aware of him than she wants to admit to - and how she always, always catches herself in that thought.

"No," he says. There's a slight waiver to his voice and his feet shuffle into the ground. He smiles a little. "Because you would have never agreed to anything if I didn't ask your sister or your members or any of the people that are important to you. Because you value the closeness of your relationships and I know that it's a deal breaker for you -" he stops because he's rambling, and because he knows he's rambling, and she sort of looks at him, half-awed because she doesn't know what else to do.

Amber's smile calms. Her hand lifts and on the other side of her, Sunyoung follows suit. At some point, Soojung realizes that Victoria is behind her and they're all closing around her because they've learned the hard way and there isn't a way of coming back from that.

The three older girls are giving him thumbs up. It's cheesy enough that it sweeps into Jongin's face, that he smiles with such intense relief that she finds herself coming face to face with the reality of her own feelings, the ones that she's kept too close to herself for years at this point. But those aren't for this room, not now, not for awhile.

"There's only one Soojungie," Amber says finally, affectionately, with a warning, and Soojung finds her heart swelling a million times the size, surprised and started and suddenly way too aware of how much things have changed.

Soojung remembers: no one really hesitates.

 

 

 

 

 

"I want chicken," she declares, still in the practice room, now leaning against his knees, her hand refusing to uncurl from his even though Jongin has reminded her that she needs to let him go so that he can shower and not smell like a mess of gym socks and a boys' locker room.

"We could get chicken."

Soojung shrugs. "We could," she agrees. Then her nose wrinkles. "It's my turn, isn't it?"

He laughs, tugging her hair. "To pay?" he shakes his head, "no. Your house? Yeah." His gaze brightens. "I told your sister I'd fix the bathroom door."

"You know nothing about -"

Jongin's eyes narrow. "That was that _one_ time," he insists. "And I didn't break the door in the practice room. That was Taemin. All Taemin."

"Doesn't matter," she teases, awkwardly trying to remain serious. But her mouth curls and she even laughs a little. "You still broke the door in the room, blamed me, and you two idiots _left_ me."

"I _googled_ it," Jongin pouts, defensive.

She laughs again, leaning in and brushing her mouth against his. Her gaze softens.

"Just let me call the landlord."

He grumbles and it's like it's the most natural thing in the world, something so precious, something she is terrified of screwing up. This is still new. She tells herself over and over again. You are still new at this. It doesn't matter how many times he reassures her, how many times the people in her life are like you're _crazy_ for thinking otherwise. But being married to work, knowing the importance of your identity and how deeply it's tied to everything else is really scary, and pushes her anxiety to levels that are bright and brand new, things she wraps and tries to keep to herself.

"You're thinking again," he murmurs, pushing her hair from her face. She meets his gaze under her lashes. Jongin does smile, but leans over her knee. "I can hear you," he tells her.

"Stop," she mutters, pushing gently at his face. He laughs and wiggles closer. "I just -"

She thinks about everything: the comments, the way the news broke, the way that everyone asked her, "How are you - are you okay?" like someone in her life had died; there are the comments, of course, that are still abrasive enough for her to turn her alerts off, to stop and consider the things that she posts, to be human instead of worrying about a brand name; it's a reality that she never expected, wanted, or new that she was going to have to come to face to face, which is both scary and sad, knowing that she never really expected to be ... like this, to have feelings, to come face to face with love and not know what to do with it because she never really made any sort of room for it.

"I'm worried," she admits quietly. Soojung's mouth falters and thins. She meets his gaze. "This is important to me," she says. Firmly even. "Precious enough that I have to think about it just before I go to bed, talk myself through the steps of what the next day is going to be like - does that make sense? I just..." She swallows and her eyes feel a little hot, a pinching sensation dragging against the back of her throat. "It's a lot scarier when you have to share these things with the rest of the world, you know. Knowing that no matter how much you plead for anything, any sort of privacy, you're going to be judged and punished and what not because that's the way lll of this works in the end."

It's her way of saying to him: _am i good enough_ \- which feels really stupid, but she's here, putting herself out in front of him, all over again, as if this time she's supposed to be the one confessing to him, of reassuring him that she feels them. There's a weight there, here, now and always; it makes her feel clumsy.

"You're not doing it alone."

Jongin is thoughtful. Then he draws himself up, leaning in and kissing her again. It's such a simple gesture; there's nothing earth-shattering, but his mouth sort of takes her apart, little by little and slowly, his tongue sliding over her lip, pressing into hers, and stealing every sigh and sound. Little by little, she sort of pieces it together this way, as if she's coming face to face with her feelings for the first time (she's not) and how differently everything feels.

She sighs into his mouth. "You're an idiot," she manages.

Jongin laughs. She means that too.

 

 

 

 

 

A week into it, the news sort of settles and Soojung is asked her first real DATING question when she is doing press in China, which is sort of a relief, since a new market seems less intimidating than her home turf. 

"So," the MC says, eyes glittering as if she were pretending _too_ hard not to know the news, "let's talk about your ideal type -"

Soojung groans on cue. Her hands cover her face. The audience laughs. Her sister is in her head, cheering. _I taught you well!_ She makes a mental note to call Victoria for dinner and to ask how she always remains stone cold when it comes to these questions.

"I don't know if I can," she plays the crowd; it's also a weirdly honest reply.

The MC pats her arm. It's a little condescending and Soojung steels herself for the immediate reply.

"But you already have an ideal type," the older woman teases, and the crowd is delighted, cheering and whistle. "Isn't that right?"

Soojung groans and sighs, ducking her head and trying to decide what to say. This is why she's the worst at these things, she thinks, because whatever comes out of her mouth just sort of, well, _flies_ out - which is why they usually sit her with Amber on promo schedules.

He's going to laugh at me, she doesn't say.

"I'm happy," she says instead, mumbles a little, and smoothes her hand over her dress. She picks a corner of a camera to stare at and tomorrow, there will be a million comments about how her particular stare was meant to sent EXO'S KAI a non-verbal weirdly telepathic message.

It isn't a problem; it's just genuine.

Soojung means every word of it.

 

 

 

 

 

(As an aside: 

There is a concert in Shanghai and several events where someone decides to start a chant that sounds like SO WHAT instead of her name SOOJUNG which instead of being funny, she finds hilarious - so much so that Jongin is pissed at her for laughing when he tells her on the phone.

It takes two days for them to make up; the story is simple as it is. Jongin takes the microphone from Minseok, under the chanting of each EXO-L because enough is enough and Jongin, rarely has any kind of temper.

"She's my girl," is all he says.)

(For twenty-four hours, the hate that Soojung gets on her Instagram feed, if turned into solar power, could save the world. Literally. Like power cars, schools, and any sort of thing that needs it. Amber jokes about doing some kind of eonni damage control, riding the wave of feelings that everyone has, and Sunyoung buys her M&Ms at the airport because candy solves it; eats all the green ones because she's a weirdo but gives Soojung the rest and it makes her feel a million times better. Victoria calls her, hesitates, and then tells her about the weather because if there were any group member that is going to be forever family, even when the world ends, it's Victoria, holding her up and scaring away boys and conspiring with her sister to make some of those boys mysterious disappear. Somewhere. You just don't need to know.

Jongin texts her later: _you first_ , he says.

She's only sad for a split second.)

 

 

 

 

 

They end up getting chicken.

Jessica will not be home for the week. Jongin will not go back to the dorms. It's fine; they're not ready for that step yet and she will sort of, cautiously admit to preferring to waking up to him, to sharing coffee and clumsily making breakfast like adults because all and all it feels like it's right, necessary and everything in between.

But they sit on the kitchen floor with three sets, Soojung's fingers sticky with the sweet sauce as her legs move from the floor to his lap. The chicken is greasy, delicious though, and sticks to her mouth like this is the first she's had this, even though its'

"How did you know?" she asks, mouthful of chicken pressing at her teeth, like she's never asked this question before even though he's told her a million times over. "You know," she swallows, "that you -" she tries not to be awkward, but fails, "wanted to be with me?"

"I didn't," he replies. He doesn't even hesitates.

And then suddenly ten years of knowing each other sort of surface, maybe finally, right there and then, right on her kitchen floor with no one around to hide behind. She hasn't though. Been hiding, at least. He's one those people, outside of her members and her sister, that has never made her feel like she should hide, step back or separate from whatever is happening at the moment. It's sort of terrifying, that way, knowing that he's there, ready and waiting for her to be something without telling her what. The worst part - then she is that something, discovering it just as fast as everyone else.

"I just sort of knew."

She blinks. "Everything?"

He punches her arm lightly. "Not like that." He shrugs. "You have a thing about you," he says and it sort of makes her anxious, biting at her belly. He smiles and she flushes. "It's hard to explain," he adds.

"Stop talking around the answer then," she says, half-snapping. "It's _annoying_."

"I'm not trying to be."

Soojung rolls her eyes, reaches for chicken and then stops because he's grabbed her hand and that split second it takes for her to process the action overwhelms her, spilling forward when his palm presses against hers.

"I just knew I guess," he says, slowly, maybe thoughtfully. The tone of his voice shifts and makes the knots in her stomach start to grow, the anticipation unraveling then and there. "Outside of dancing," he says simply, "you were the only other thing that made sense to me."

It's one of those moments where she feels like she should have some sort of epiphany, that should lead her to some kind of conclusion that Jongin is THE ONE, complete with sparkling light and drama chemistry and about a million other feelings that everyone says that she should have. But the reality isn't that simple and Soojung just understands the reality of her own feelings: Jongin is her person, Jongin is important, and when she's ready, if she's ready, then Jongin is going to be the kind of person that she's going to go and say those words to, the really important words that she really just gives to her eonnis, Sooyeon, and her parents, that feel painful and real and about a million other things that she still, if anything, is trying to be ready to face.

"I want to be there too," she says quietly. It's a slight admission. "I'm so bad at grand admissions," she admits, ducking. She thinks of her sister and sighs. "I'm not like that. I'm not like -"

"I know," Jongin cuts her off. Gently. Flicking her forehead too. "I don't need you to be anything else."

Soojung shakes her head. "That's not it," she insists. "I almost hate you for it - being so sure of yourself. I've always felt like this. Like you're twenty steps ahead of me when I should be right there with you... but I know how I feel. I know where these feelings are going to go. I'm just not ready to -"

She stops. She'll tell herself it's because she's rambling. Whatever the reason, it's simply because he's looking at her that way, the way where he peels every layer of herself apart and back, where he's watching her and knows every thing that she may or may not say, but gives her the room to say it. It's like he's telling her that he's going to wait for and that's even more terrifying than a love confession, than him being with her, and than the reality of their lives, as they get older and deeper in their industry.

"No give backs," he says lightly, as if they were still kids, as if they weren't confessing to each other for the third, maybe four time - she loses count every time they have this conversation.

Soojung takes a deep breath. Then exhales and drops her head, swallowing a little.

"I'm not." Then she says it louder. "I'm not," she says again. She smiles a little. "I'm just telling you that I'm not going anywhere."

He laughs, this time, into kissing her and even though she meets him halfway, maybe even like the first time, she tastes nothing but grease and savory flavors. There's a joke on the tip of her tongue, Amber in the back of her head being like "DUDE GET IT TOGETHER AND MAKE OUT!" all the while the rest of her eonnis cheering her on; and maybe, maybe it's not the best way of going about it, maybe it's not perfect, but she puts to test the fact that she can't think of any anyone else that she would rather be with.

"That's good to know," he says, and even then, her heart still turns and flutters forward, back into her throat.

Jongin makes her honest. After all: You can't give that back.

That's the real confession, she thinks.


End file.
